This entry dedicated specially for Dearest Mama & Papa

---This is for yesterday's writing-17 Dec 07. But was kept in draft before publish.---

Already went to bed at 12am, but woke up only to express this awaiting feeling since how many months back. Seriously, I feel like I’m leaving everyone…

Initially, was thinking to have very good sleep-7 hours. Because my bed time is always 1am-2am-surfing d internet mostly. Tonight, entered to bed and switch off d light, saw my Tok (grandma) was sleeping. I stare at her face for a minute, then tetiba sebak!! Hmm…Teringat malam td, family, tok and I watched TV together. It was P Ramlee, Pendekar Bujang Lapok movie. Gelak2. Smua mcm happy sangat. I was d one who made coffe for papa and tok. Ok, here it start actually. Lately, my family always teasing me who always “gile kerja”. Rasa sedih sgt sbb diorg mcm taknak paham my work. Tapi, when I go to work, when not at home, I keep thinking that I’m suppose to appreciate to spend time with them. Don’t know y is this feeling comes to me lately. Mcm rasa kena buatan org pun ada kot. Na’uzubillah.. Tapi, itu la yg dimaksudkan masa awal2 td- awaiting feeling since how many months back. Malam ni, tetiba rasa boleh treat diorg mcm dulu2 balik. I feel guilty. I think I’m the one yg manja sket kat umah tu. So, bila perasaan takleh treat diorg elok2 tu, I feel uncomfortable with myself. So, now,I dapat balik feeling yg lama tu! I’m HAPPY WITH THIS FEELING! Alhamdulillah.

So, back to the story when I entered to d bed, sebak tu sbb teringat we had good moment together during watched that movie. Nana rasa bahagia sgt! Bleh borak2 ngn papa lama. Gelak2. Truth feeling. I’m crying so many time as well when writing this, Mr diary.

Alhamdulillah, nik I think u r right when u told me ada hikmah dgn sakit I yg 4 hari baru2 ni. I rasa fresh sgt and rasa hati ni pun mcm bersih sikit. And I rasa, mcm2 benda i terpikir.

Hari ni pun, went home early, 7.30 pm was playing with baby Ira. Kalau tak, kul 10 or 11 malam baru smpai umah. Kenapa balik awal? Ntah! I feel like want to go home and be with my family! These 5 days remembered me a lot to bear in mind back that FAMILY IS EVERYTHING and PAPA&MAMA the MOST!

Patut la papa bebel2 jgn gila keja, Boypren pun tak smpat nak carik kalau camtu. Rupa2nya, he reminds me that I’m getting far away from my family. Time with them averagely– 10pm/11pm-12.30pm during weekdays & No weekends with them! That’s it! Works, works, works! I should be thankful for having such this lovely family, but I didn’t appreciate it 100%. People outsides are looking for his/her mom and father’s love but I just can only ignore them? How useless I was! But now, nana berdoa sgt this feeling appreciation to d family wouldn’t be changed. Amin..

These 5 days as well, I was thinking to further my study. Buat masters, insya Allah. If people ask me before, I would always says, dah start kerja ni, malas la nak study. But because of this 5 days, teringin pulak nak smbung blajar sambil nak jadi tutor. Sbb apa ye? Because there will be more free time for me to be with my family. Kalau ada rezeki jadik lecturer, masa utk family pun byk nti. Takde la bz sgt kan. So, tgh try2 apply. For those who knows or have any ideas or advice on this, bgtau la ek.

So, as advice to myself, sayangilah dan hargailah saat2 bersama papa&mama selagi mereka ada dan berupaya. Dan selagi nana sendiri pun berupaya nak menjaga papa&mama.

Emm…I feel calm after expressing all these. And that’s y I was saying this entry like I’m leaving everyone. If it is a yes, I want my ever dearest Mama and Papa knows that I LOVE BOTH OF U VERY MUCH!! MWAAHSSS!!

P/S: To BK, i know u might laugh at this entry since aritu saya janji takmo emo sgt dah kan?Nak control emo kan?Hmm....tapi, actually what i'm trying to write is what i found after 4 days sick. Saya nampak kebaikkan nya...

Anyway, time can change. Mana la tau kot2 esok2 lain plak career yg i pilih lps ni kan..yeah, who knows? Only He knows